The Book You Wish Your Parents Had Read (and Your Children Will Be Glad That You Did) – Philippa Perry
1. Full Citation
Perry, P. (2019) The Book You Wish Your Parents Had Read (and Your Children Will Be Glad That You Did). London: Penguin Life.
2. Introduction
In The Book You Wish Your Parents Had Read, psychotherapist Philippa Perry reframes parenting as a relational, reflective process rooted in emotional honesty and repair. Eschewing behavioural checklists and quick-fix strategies, she focuses on how the parent’s emotional self-awareness, rather than the child’s behaviour, shapes the family dynamic. By exploring intergenerational patterns, emotional ruptures, and repair strategies, Perry offers a humanising and psychologically astute guide to raising children with empathy, boundaries, and self-compassion.
3. Author Background and Credentials
Philippa Perry is a British psychotherapist, author, and broadcaster, trained in Gestalt therapy. With years of experience in mental health work, she is known for her ability to translate psychological theory into accessible, compassionate advice. In addition to writing, Perry contributes regularly to major UK media outlets and is celebrated for her work demystifying mental health and parenting.
4. Summary of Contents
The book is structured into thematic sections rather than age-based stages, encouraging parents to reflect deeply on their past, present, and relational patterns:
- You, Your Child, and the Past
- Explores how unresolved childhood experiences influence parenting. Encourages self-reflection and intentional breaking of inherited emotional patterns.
- How We Relate to Our Children
- Focuses on connection, communication, and relational attunement as the foundation of good parenting.
- Breaking the Cycle
- Emphasises emotional repair and vulnerability rather than perfection or authority. Discusses rupture and reconnection.
- Feelings and Emotional Regulation
- Encourages validating children’s feelings, modelling emotional vocabulary, and co-regulating stress.
- Setting Limits with Compassion
- Balances boundaries and discipline with empathy, showing how to maintain authority without punishment.
- Practical Scenarios and Misconceptions
- Offers case studies addressing sleep, tantrums, adolescence, and guilt, always through a relationship-first lens.
Each section contains thought-provoking questions, examples, and practical insights for parent–child relationship development.
5. Critical Evaluation
a. Coherence and Argumentation
Perry’s central argument—that parenting is not about the child but about the relationship—is coherently developed. Her clinical experience adds credibility to her encouragement of emotional transparency and humility in parenting.
b. Originality and Intellectual Contribution
Unlike many parenting books, this one prioritises emotional repair over behavioural control, drawing from adult psychotherapy and attachment repair models. It is among the few works that so clearly integrate self-work and mental health with parenting.
c. Evidence, Sources, and Method
Perry does not present formal research citations but draws on therapeutic practice, attachment theory, and Gestalt principles. Her insights are consistent with current psychological understanding, though more narrative than empirical.
d. Style and Accessibility
Written in conversational and self-reflective prose, the book is deeply personal yet universally accessible. It avoids jargon and invites the reader into an honest, therapeutic dialogue.
e. Limitations and Critiques
Some may find the book light on concrete techniques or structure. Its therapeutic tone may feel unfamiliar to those seeking checklists or step-by-step interventions. Additionally, the open style may not appeal to readers needing quick solutions.
6. Comparative Context
Compared with:
- The Conscious Parent – Shares the therapeutic focus on parental introspection
- Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids – More practical but similarly emotion-focused
- How to Talk So Kids Will Listen – Offers more scripted communication tools
Perry’s work is uniquely psychotherapy-informed, compassionate, and adult-centric in tone.
7. Thematic or Disciplinary Relevance
Relevant to psychotherapy, attachment theory, family counselling, and emotional education, the book bridges mental health and parenting in a way rarely found outside clinical settings.
8. Reflection or Practical Application
Readers often describe the book as healing and liberating, especially those seeking to parent differently from their own upbringing. Its emphasis on repair over perfection encourages authentic, resilient relationships.
9. Conclusion
The Book You Wish Your Parents Had Read is a powerful, therapeutic exploration of parenting that urges readers to know themselves, accept their humanity, and prioritise emotional connection with their children. More than a parenting manual, it is a relational guide to self-awareness, empathy, and generational healing.
Recommended for: Parents of all stages, therapists, educators, and adult children seeking emotional insight into family dynamics.
10. Other Works by the Same Author
- Couch Fiction: A Graphic Tale of Psychotherapy
- Numerous essays and columns in The Guardian, Psychologies, and Red Magazine
11. Similar Books by Other Authors
- Dr Shefali Tsabary – The Conscious Parent
- Laura Markham – Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids
- Donald Winnicott – The Child, the Family, and the Outside World
- Jon and Myla Kabat-Zinn – Everyday Blessings
12. References (only if external works are cited)
- Bowlby, J. (1988) A Secure Base
- Siegel, D.J. (2012) The Whole-Brain Child
- Perry, P. (2019) The Book You Wish Your Parents Had Read