The Courage to Be Disliked: How to Free Yourself, Change Your Life, and Achieve Real Happiness – Ichiro Kishimi & Fumitake Koga
1. Full Citation
Kishimi, I. and Koga, F. (2013) The Courage to Be Disliked: How to Free Yourself, Change Your Life, and Achieve Real Happiness. Translated from Japanese by Bettina Blattner. Tokyo: Diamond, Inc.; English edition, London: Allen & Unwin, 2018.
2. Introduction
The Courage to Be Disliked is a philosophical dialogue that challenges conventional beliefs about happiness, trauma, and personal identity. Written by Japanese philosopher Ichiro Kishimi and writer Fumitake Koga, the book applies Alfred Adler’s psychological theories to modern life, proposing that people can free themselves from past wounds and societal expectations by choosing to live meaningfully in the present. Its format—a Socratic dialogue between a philosopher and a sceptical youth—creates an engaging and provocative atmosphere. This review evaluates the book’s structure, theoretical grounding, and practical significance for readers seeking philosophical clarity and emotional independence.
3. Author Background and Credentials
Ichiro Kishimi is a certified counsellor and philosopher specialising in Adlerian psychology. He has translated major Western philosophical works into Japanese and trained extensively in individual psychology. Fumitake Koga is a professional writer and journalist. Their collaboration bridges psychological theory and literary expression, rendering complex ideas accessible to a wide audience. The book’s blend of Western psychology and Japanese philosophical minimalism has made it an international bestseller.
4. Summary of Contents
The book unfolds over five conversations between a “philosopher” and a “youth”, presenting a dynamic, often confrontational, discussion about freedom, happiness, and human agency. Key Adlerian concepts include:
- All problems are interpersonal relationship problems – Unhappiness stems not from trauma but from how we interpret and act in relationships.
- The past does not determine the present – One’s life is shaped not by causes (trauma) but by goals (intentions).
- Happiness is the feeling of contribution – Living meaningfully involves contributing to others without seeking recognition or control.
- Separation of tasks – We must distinguish between what is our responsibility and what belongs to others.
- The courage to be disliked – True freedom arises from living according to one’s convictions, regardless of others’ approval.
The final chapters advocate for self-acceptance, community feeling (Gemeinschaftsgefühl), and purposeful living.
5. Critical Evaluation
a. Coherence and Argumentation
The dialogue format allows for dialectical tension, anticipating readers’ doubts. The philosopher’s responses are structured, persuasive, and grounded in Adlerian logic. However, some repetition and idealism may test readers’ patience.
b. Originality and Intellectual Contribution
While Adler’s theories are not new, the book’s originality lies in its conversational delivery and cultural reframing. It introduces Adlerian psychology—often overshadowed by Freud and Jung—to a modern, non-academic audience, making it feel both novel and practical.
c. Evidence, Sources, and Method
The book does not cite sources or use empirical data, relying instead on theoretical explanation and narrative persuasion. It is not intended as scientific psychology but as applied philosophy and life coaching.
d. Style and Accessibility
The language is clear, minimalist, and reflective. The dialogue style is accessible and emotionally engaging. Its tone is gentle yet provocative, inviting the reader into a reflective journey rather than commanding compliance.
e. Limitations and Critiques
Some Western critics find the argument too idealistic, especially regarding trauma minimisation. Others note that the dismissal of past experiences could be harmful without therapeutic nuance. Still, many readers appreciate the empowering emphasis on present choices and agency.
6. Comparative Context
The book can be compared to Viktor Frankl’s Man’s Search for Meaning and Albert Ellis’s Rational Emotive Behaviour Therapy, both of which reject determinism and affirm personal agency. It contrasts with Freudian analysis or trauma-based therapeutic models. In the self-help genre, it aligns with Mark Manson’s The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fck*, though Kishimi and Koga adopt a gentler tone and philosophical frame.
7. Thematic or Disciplinary Relevance
The book is relevant in psychotherapy, counselling, philosophy of self, educational leadership, and spiritual formation. It supports values such as responsibility, humility, and independence. It also has growing popularity in Eastern and Western leadership coaching, due to its emphasis on task ownership and social contribution.
8. Reflection or Practical Application
Readers frequently report emotional liberation from people-pleasing, guilt, and self-judgement. The concept of “separation of tasks” is especially popular in workplace coaching and family dynamics. While its minimalist style may under-address trauma or systemic issues, many find the book empowering in cultivating resilience, ethical clarity, and interpersonal autonomy.
9. Conclusion
The Courage to Be Disliked distils Adlerian psychology into a thought-provoking and emotionally liberating dialogue. Its emphasis on responsibility, choice, and relational boundaries presents a valuable counterbalance to deterministic or trauma-centred models. While not a substitute for clinical therapy, it provides a compelling moral and psychological framework for living with clarity, courage, and contribution.
Recommended for: Philosophical readers, educators, therapists, people-pleasers, and those seeking independence from social validation and the past.
10. Other Works by the Same Authors
- The Courage to Be Happy (2016) – A continuation exploring how joy is sustained through contribution and freedom.
- Various Japanese essays and lectures on Adlerian psychology (Ichiro Kishimi, untranslated).
11. Similar Books by Other Authors
- Alfred Adler – What Life Should Mean to You (1931)
- Viktor Frankl – Man’s Search for Meaning (1946)
- Albert Ellis – A Guide to Rational Living (1961)
- Mark Manson – The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fck* (2016)
12. References (only if external works are cited)
- Adler, A. (1931) What Life Should Mean to You. London: George Allen & Unwin.
- Frankl, V.E. (1946) Man’s Search for Meaning. Boston: Beacon Press.
- Ellis, A. (1961) A Guide to Rational Living. Englewood Cliffs: Prentice Hall.
- Manson, M. (2016) The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fck*. New York: HarperOne.