The Danish Way of Parenting: What the Happiest People in the World Know About Raising Confident, Capable Kids – Jessica Joelle Alexander & Iben Dissing Sandahl
1. Full Citation
Alexander, J.J. & Sandahl, I.D. (2016) The Danish Way of Parenting: What the Happiest People in the World Know About Raising Confident, Capable Kids. New York: Penguin Life.
2. Introduction
The Danish Way of Parenting explores how Denmark, consistently ranked among the world’s happiest countries, raises emotionally resilient and self-assured children. Combining cross-cultural insight and developmental psychology, authors Jessica Joelle Alexander (an American parenting columnist) and Iben Sandahl (a Danish psychotherapist) introduce six principles that form the acronym P.A.R.E.N.T.—Play, Authenticity, Reframing, Empathy, No Ultimatums, and Togetherness. The book provides a compelling alternative to competitive, anxiety-driven parenting models dominant in many Western cultures.
3. Author Background and Credentials
Jessica Joelle Alexander is an American journalist, parenting expert, and psychology columnist with a focus on cultural parenting differences.
Iben Dissing Sandahl is a licensed psychotherapist and family counsellor based in Copenhagen, with extensive experience in early childhood education and parental guidance.
Together, they blend cross-national research, therapeutic experience, and anecdotal case studies to illuminate how Danish parenting differs philosophically and practically from more individualistic systems.
4. Summary of Contents
The book is structured around the P.A.R.E.N.T. acronym, offering readers a practical framework grounded in psychological well-being:
- P – Play
- Emphasises unstructured, child-led play as essential to creativity, cooperation, and social development.
- A – Authenticity
- Encourages honest communication with children and rejection of superficial praise; fosters realistic self-esteem.
- R – Reframing
- Teaches parents and children to view challenges positively and develop optimism and resilience.
- E – Empathy
- Cultivates empathy through storytelling, emotional mirroring, and inclusive dialogue in family life.
- N – No Ultimatums
- Discourages authoritarian control, advocating instead for democratic, cooperative parenting styles.
- T – Togetherness (Hygge)
- Promotes familial intimacy through regular shared experiences and emotional safety.
Each chapter includes practical exercises, examples from Danish schools and families, and reflections on cultural contrast.
5. Critical Evaluation
a. Coherence and Argumentation
The book maintains a consistent theme: that mental health and emotional intelligence are fostered through secure, democratic, and playful family life. The P.A.R.E.N.T. framework is logically ordered and intuitively structured.
b. Originality and Intellectual Contribution
This work is notable for introducing a cultural model of parenting rather than a strictly developmental or behavioural one. Its comparison of Danish and American parenting paradigms adds a unique sociological layer to child-rearing literature.
c. Evidence, Sources, and Method
Though the book cites studies on happiness, well-being, and positive psychology, it leans heavily on qualitative insight and observational data. Empirical support is selectively referenced, with greater emphasis on experience and cultural interpretation.
d. Style and Accessibility
Written in a conversational, narrative tone, the book is highly accessible. It avoids technical jargon while providing reflective depth. Its cross-cultural comparisons are engaging and insightful.
e. Limitations and Critiques
Some critiques highlight the idealised portrayal of Denmark and question the generalisability of its methods to more diverse, economically stratified societies. The model assumes a baseline of family stability and social support not present everywhere.
6. Comparative Context
This book offers a valuable counterpoint to:
- The Whole-Brain Child – Focuses on neuroscience; The Danish Way centres on social culture
- Simplicity Parenting – Shares a minimalist, emotionally attuned approach
- Parenting Without Borders by Christine Gross-Loh – Broader international parenting comparison
It stands out for marrying cultural sociology with emotional development.
7. Thematic or Disciplinary Relevance
Relevant to cross-cultural psychology, family sociology, public policy, and education, this book is a resource for those interested in how national values shape parenting norms and child well-being.
8. Reflection or Practical Application
Readers frequently report that adopting Danish methods—especially playfulness, empathy, and ‘hygge’ time—creates calmer, more connected family dynamics. The book’s techniques help reduce parental stress and promote children’s internal regulation.
9. Conclusion
The Danish Way of Parenting offers a gentle yet powerful vision of child-rearing that prioritises connection, cooperation, and emotional maturity. By highlighting a nationally coherent model rooted in psychological well-being, it serves as both a practical guide and a philosophical challenge to competitive parenting norms.
Recommended for: Parents, educators, sociologists, therapists, and anyone curious about cultural models of parenting and family well-being.
10. Other Works by the Same Authors
- Jessica Joelle Alexander:
- Play the Danish Way (forthcoming)
- Iben Sandahl:
- Play the Danish Way
- Speaker and trainer in family mental health and Danish pedagogy
11. Similar Books by Other Authors
- Christine Gross-Loh – Parenting Without Borders
- Kim John Payne – Simplicity Parenting
- Janet Lansbury – Elevating Child Care
- Alfie Kohn – Unconditional Parenting
12. References (only if external works are cited)
- Lyubomirsky, S. (2007) The How of Happiness
- Seligman, M.E.P. (2011) Flourish
- UNESCO (2015) Early Childhood Education country reports